10 years ago or so I decided I’d like to try to write/record a song based on every species of bird I’d seen in Ireland.
I’m not really sure why.
I hate singing in front of other people.
I don’t like people looking at me and I don’t like the sound of my voice.
I don’t think I can sing. My melodies are boring.
I get embarrassed by people bringing music up.
Sometimes people will ask if I’m doing any music and I’ll try to quickly change the subject. A nightmare for me would be if I recorded some music and it became popular or something.
So I’m not really sure why every so often I’ll do what I’m doing now and put some music I’ve recorded up on the internet.It doesn’t really make sense to me.
Perhaps it’s like people who take on challenges like running a marathon when they hate jogging or doing a parachute jump when they hate heights? Maybe its like trying to conquer the fear of what other people think off you?Maybe it’s just a desperate attempt to try and grab attention?Is it just some kind of ‘publish or perish’ drive where you have to make something new or else you don’t feel like you?
As I mentioned a few posts back the idea behind these songs was that I was going to try and record some music each Day between Easter Sunday and Pentecost Sunday.I had tried something similar during Lent a few years back.
They had been songs of Lament and I found it hard going.
There had been a terrible tsunami in Japan.
Worse there had been a tragic accident with a kid I used to know.I always wanted to try and balance it out by doing the same with Easter (like NT Wright saying that Easter Sunday should be the start of a party).This year it seemed like a good time to try it.Then I got a sinus infection and that sort of stopped the momentum.Still I got some songs based around some of the birds I’ve spotted in the garden.
I don’t know how much you’ve got to accept who you are and have been made when it comes to making any sort of art.Do you try to rise above your tendency to be melancholic and try to write more upbeat songs of you thing that the world needs to hear more songs about hope and joy?
Or another way of putting it is do you just try to write the album or song you’d like to listen to?
Do you try to write the book you’d like to read or paint the pictures you’d like to look at?
Is that a self absorbed and curtailed vision or does the world need to hear things the way you hear things and see things the way you see them?
Or does serving other people mean you put aside your vision try to write the song you think they need to hear or would give them pleasure to listen to?