I was feeling so rough yesterday morning, somewhere between a head cold and the flu but at the same time I couldn’t face staying in the house as that would have made me feel even worse.
So I jumped on the bus and went into Belfast, passed by church after church up the Lisburn Road and tumbled out at St George’s Market for 10am.
When you grow up in the sort of Christian home that didn’t do any shopping on the Sabbath, that didn’t watch TV on the Sabbath, that went to multiple church services on the Sabbath there is a certain amount of guilt from not going to church on the Sunday morning at the age of 34.
I don’t hear my parents tutting anymore but there is a certain feeling that you are ‘backsliding’ as you drink a coffee by yourself on a Sunday morning at the market instead of rigidly sitting in a grid formation looking at some elderly mans head dressed in a grey suit making a passing attempt to sing a hymn from the 1800’s. Also, I’m married to a minister so how does that look?
I was wondering what to make of this all yesterday morning as young foreign students met each other outside the Europa for a coach trip away, as artists sold their hand made cards in the market, as older gentlemen drank their coffee and read the paper in Cafe Nero.
You wouldn’t believe how stressed it makes me coming to church on a Sunday morning. Or maybe you would if you have a similar experience.
I sweat like mad with the type of sweat no deodorant can handle. Its not your normal almost sweet smelling sweat from a game of football say or a brisk walk, it’s the type of sweat from doing a presentation or some test of endurance. Why is that? It supposed to be meeting with friends or a community that loves each other. And I know people are lovely and loving but broken as well. I know this yet it seems like an ordeal on Sunday morning. Why do I feel so tense? Why the sweat? Why the having to drag myself along?
This is why I didn’t turn up yesterday morning. Feeling below the weather I couldn’t face it for whatever reason.
The imagery from this classic creepy ad from Apple was on my mind a bit as well.
It’s a bit of an ugly ad, it creeps me out.
But that is maybe because it touches a nerve. Or it reminds me a little bit of my church experience and something I keep on imagining, through multiple sermons.
I often be sitting in the service and my mind starts wandering. Suddenly I see a football being crossed in from the other side of the church and I rise up to connect with a sweet right footed volley that ripples in the back of the net. Goal!
I’m not sure what all of that means. Or maybe I’m too tired to explain it.